If wit could kill...

I need to do this.

Or else things are never going to get better for me.

Looking at my old blogs takes me back to exactly how I felt then.I almost liked it better then.At least I had hope,at least I thought things were so bad solely because I was in school.Now I feel like I just have nothing.Nothing to worry about,and yet nothing to be hopeful for.Back to now, and what I still have to do.

?

I don’t know if I want to start writing again on this like I used to.Last Summer I was just plain obsessed.But my head was also in a much better place than it is now…

Would this actually help me?

I have no idea.

Change.

This is random but i’m procrastinating from studying and I miss this.

I realize how much i’ve changed and how much has changed for me this year.Too much shit happened in one year,I still can’t digest it.

And i’m still not done.

I still have the hardest days of this year ahead of me.The next two days are going to SUCK.Too many things to get done Drivers ed,finals,studying.Then I have my three regents’ next week and I am legitimately nervous.I really hope i’m just getting worked up for nothing and everything works out, but I feel like that might not happen this time.At least I only have 3 days left.Regents’ will suck but they’re only 2 or 3 hours.I just need to do this for myself and i’ll finally be free from all of this bullshit.I miss writing so much,I hate not being able to focus solely on it.It’s driving me crazy.Soon i’ll finally be able to think freely again,without worrying about pointless school constantly.I am done having High school be the control of my life and emotions.Next year is going to be treated very differently,because i’ll be a senior,and in a different position than I am in now.

I just want to be able to focus on the things I truly care about.I can’t believe how lost I became this year.I need to get everything I had back,and I will.This’ll be over soon..

I don’t know.

I kind of want to delete this,I almost deleted my myspace last night;but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I really don’t like clutter,and I created all of these accounts on the internet that I don’t even use anymore,and I feel like that’s a bad thing. But i’m an idiot who can’t let go of anything,whether it be a blog or a piece of clothing.I don’t get rid of anything.I’m pretty doubtful that i’ll go back to blogging on here, even when the Summer comes.I have like no followers anyway,so there’s really no point.

I just want college.Now.I hate living like this.

I haven’t been on this in a very long time.

I got myself a journal so I could be able to write and vent wherever I go,so I guess I haven’t really felt the need to use this anymore.I rarely have time to go on my computer,even though typing is much easier-_-This Summer i’ll have a lot more time to go on here and write.I was looking back at old blogs and even if I was unhappy,I wish I could go back.My unhappiness and stress is just increasing every week.Now i’m going to have Blue&Gold after school everyday until the end of April,along with awkward Drivers Ed until June.Then the Sat’s,AP tests and regents’ approaching in May and June.I feel like these past four months flew by,which is good and yet..bad.I always knew this time period was going to come where i’d be in school everyday until 5,while preparing for all of my important tests,but now that it’s here,i’m a little freaked out.I don’t know if i’ll be able to handle all of this.The semi-uncomfortable practices,clubs I still hate going to,subjects that I don’t understand,driving in an awkward car while knowing i’m missing something in Blue&Gold.I’m so scared I won’t be able to handle all of this,not that it really matters cause all of it is coming whether I want it to or not.I’m even more afraid of losing myself and my writing during it,because i’ll be so busy worrying about drivers ed,how i’m going to do on my tests and performing in Blue&Gold that i’ll forget about the things that are actually important to me.All I can do it repeat that there are only four months left until I have freedom,carefree living, and the ability to write,be myself and be happy again.If I do everything successfully in these next four months,I can have a very stress free Summer knowing I set myself up for the future well.I am ready to fight for my happiness and success until the school year is over.Confidence is key.

Jesus,I haven’t been on in a long time.I guess I’ve been busy/lazy.Hopefully I get the urge to start going on this again.